Friday, February 27, 2009

Questions, questions

Why does fish food smell like fish?

This has troubled me for a while now. I haven't actually read through the ingredients of fish food but I do worry that we're turning our beta's and goldfish into cannibals.

Other things I lay awake at night pondering include:

Do ghosts change their clothes? Are they wearing the clothes they died in? The clothes they were buried in? Their favourite outfit maybe? I can see downsides to the first two so I'm hoping it's the latter (spare a thought for the Tory politician experimenting with asphyxiation wearing a pair of his wife's stockings and sucking on an orange if they're forever stuck in the attire they were wearing when they passed away). And how come when you see ghosts in the movies they can walk through walls but they never fall through the floor?

Why do TV commercials delight in telling us that a product is new and improved? If it has been improved then it's not new is it? And when they offer 'free gifts'. Who pays for a gift? "Here you go Jim, just what you've always wanted. Happy Birthday", "Oh great thanks, you shouldn't have. How much do I owe you?".

What time of day does food go off on the expiry date? Are you ok until midnight? Or should you stop eating it at 4pm just to be safe?

How come there's a light in the fridge but not in the freezer? And how come when you're really hungry but you haven't done a big shop you keep going back to the fridge to see if anything new has arrived since you last looked?

Is it ok to eat green crisps?

Why do dogs always think it's for them when the doorbell goes?

Why do people say they 'slept like a baby' when they have a good night's sleep? Surely they don't mean they woke up every 10 minutes crying and then shit themselves?

Why did your Mum used to put all the plants in the bath when you went on holiday?

Why do you have to wash everything before you put it in the dishwasher?

But the main question that keeps me awake at night is:

Do shepherds have a problem with falling asleep at work? I mean, a big part of the job involves counting sheep.

It was this quandary that stopped me moving to New Zealand to be a sheep farmer. I heard that sheep out number people over there by 20 to 1 which sounded an appealing prospect considering how people are. It also looks very green in New Zealand when you see it on the telly so they must get a lot of rain and I don't want spend a lot of time stuck on a mountain asleep in the rain. You'd catch your death (if death was catching).

Or maybe I just think too much.

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